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Guardian Life published advice for a parent who grew up with a strong emphasis on academic achievement and financial security and now wants to model enjoyment for their children. The response suggests noticing personal reactions, exploring activities without expecting immediate happiness, and treating leisure as valuable in its own right.
Guardian Life has published advice for a parent who says a childhood shaped by sacrifice, academic focus and financial security left them unsure how to enjoy leisure—and asks how to show their children a more joyful way to live. The response recommends noticing personal preferences and exploring activities without expecting them to become another route to achievement.
The reader describes being raised by first-generation immigrant parents who made substantial sacrifices to send their children to university. The family followed what the letter calls a clearly defined path to success. As an adult, the writer says they made choices with financial stability in mind but finds it difficult to enjoy activities such as hobbies, travel and home renovation.
The parent connects that difficulty to an upbringing in which leisure was not emphasized and attention was directed toward academic subjects. Now raising children, the writer wants to model what the letter describes as “living well for its own sake”, while acknowledging that everyday pleasures do not automatically feel pleasurable.
The advice column’s response frames the problem as a possible shift in priorities: actions originally taken to support a better life can come to dominate life itself. It recommends starting with a question—what brings a personal sense of joy?—and approaching possible interests as exploration. The columnist cautions that enjoyment may not appear immediately and that recognizing one’s reactions can take time.
Show kids a joyful life by making room for it
A Guardian Life advice column suggests that parents can model enjoyment by noticing what they like and making space for leisure beyond achievement and financial security.
What the parent is navigating
A childhood focused on sacrifice, education and security can make leisure feel unfamiliar.
- Prioritize academic achievement.
- Make choices around financial stability.
- Make room for personal interests.
- Show children that enjoyment has value in itself.
Three ways to start
The advice offers a practice of exploration, not a prescribed family routine.
Pay attention to what sparks interest or pleasure for you.
Try possibilities without turning them into another achievement goal.
Make time for an activity because it matters to you, not because it is productive.
What exploration might look like
The columnist offers personal examples, not activities that every family should adopt.
Feed crows
Notice whether a small interest feels meaningful to you.
Dance disco
Explore an activity without expecting instant joy.
Preserve weeds
Pay attention to your own response rather than what others enjoy.
What the advice can—and cannot—say
The column responds to one parent’s letter and does not promise a particular result for children.
| The advice suggests | It does not establish |
|---|---|
| Notice personal preferences and explore possible interests. | Which activities will feel meaningful or how long it may take. |
| Enjoyment may not appear immediately. | That one approach will suit every parent or child. |
| Leisure need not be justified by productivity. | Whether the parent tried the approach or what the children learned. |
Making Room for Joy at Home
The exchange addresses a parenting question about how adults can demonstrate a life that includes enjoyment when their own upbringing emphasized work, education or security. The response does not prescribe a particular hobby or family routine. It suggests that a parent’s attention to personal preferences can be one way to make room for a broader idea of a good life.
The reader asks how to change a mindset in which every pursuit needs to serve a future goal, rather than requesting a list of activities to add to a schedule. The columnist says leisure need not be justified by productivity and describes making time for an activity because it feels worthwhile.
The advice is a personal response, not a tested parenting program or clinical intervention. It does not establish that a particular approach will produce specific outcomes for children. The columnist recommends exploring possible interests without expecting an immediate change in how the parent feels.
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From Sacrifice to Everyday Life
The letter describes the parent’s family history in terms of immigration, sacrifice and educational ambition. The writer says their parents gave up a great deal to create opportunities for the next generation. The advice characterizes those sacrifices as efforts intended to improve their children’s lives and raises the possibility that pursuing a better life can leave less room for the life it was meant to support.
The response uses the image of a strangler fig to describe how a means can take over its original purpose. It applies that idea to money and hard work: both may be pursued for the benefits they can bring, but can become ends in themselves. The columnist’s framing asks whether the pursuit of ambition and financial stability has left enough room for other sources of value.
The column suggests treating enjoyment as “fieldwork” by observing one’s reactions rather than assuming familiar leisure activities will work for everyone. The response gives examples of personal interests, including feeding crows, dancing disco and preserving weeds.
“I don’t know how to enjoy things that other people seem to.”
— The parent who wrote to Guardian Life
What the Advice Cannot Establish
The column offers an individual response to one reader’s letter; it does not establish that the same approach will suit every parent or child. The letter gives the writer’s account of their upbringing and current feelings, but does not provide details about the children’s ages, family circumstances or the extent to which the difficulty affects daily life.
It is also unclear which activities, if any, will feel meaningful to the parent, or how long it may take to recognize enjoyment. The columnist explicitly allows for the possibility that an activity will not feel joyful at first and does not promise a particular result. No specific follow-up from the reader is included.
An Open-Ended Practice at Home
The response leaves the next step with the reader: make room to notice what they like, try possibilities without treating them as obligations, and pay attention to their reactions. It does not recommend a particular set of activities for all families.
The columnist suggests that asking whether something feels enjoyable can help the parent pay attention to their experience. The column does not report whether the parent adopts this approach or what their children may see or learn from it.
Source: Guardian Life
Key Questions
What did the parent ask Guardian Life?
The parent asked how to break from a life organized around achievement and financial security, and how to model enjoyment and presence for their children.
What does the advice recommend trying first?
The columnist recommends noticing what genuinely sparks interest or pleasure, rather than assuming that popular leisure activities such as travel or home renovations will suit everyone.
Does the response say enjoyment will come immediately?
No. The columnist says it may take time to recognize personal reactions and advises approaching activities as exploration, without expecting immediate joy.
What is meant by the idea that the means can become the end?
It describes how goals such as earning money or working hard, initially pursued to support a good life, can become so dominant that they leave less room for that life.
Source: Guardian Life
